Monday, December 19, 2011

more of this.

could it be that everything goes round by chance?
only one way that it was always meant to be
you kill me: you always know the perfect thing to say
i know what i should do, but i just can't walk away

i pick up put down the phone
"it's just like being alone"

oh god, please don't tell me this has been in vain
i need answers for what all the waiting i've done means
you kill me: you've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes
i know what i should do, but i just can't turn away

go on, love
leave all the still hope for the escape
gotta take what you can these days
so much ahead, so much regret
i know what you wanna say
i know it but can't help feeling differently
about you, and i should have said it
but tell me, just what has it ever meant?

i can't help it baby, this is who i am
i'm sorry, but i can't just go and turn off how i feel
you kill me: you build me up, but just to watch me break
i know what i should do but i just can't walk away

i haven't been happy for a really long time. i forget what it feels like. 

i'm trying to be happier, but things get quiet, and i start to think, and i think of all the things i wanted to be for you. but, i'm letting myself put on a smile and laugh, and that's a lot further than i was a few days ago. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

should have known. should have known. should have known. should have known. why didn't i prepare better for the inevitable? i've stopped feeling anyway. there's no way it could have happened. why can't i just get used to it? fuck this. fuck him. fuck myself for feeling like this. fuck the tears running down my face. fuck my life. fuck being happy. fuck the things that remind me of him. fuck my feelings. i hate me, every single thing. get me out of this town. put me on a bus and send me away. let me forget everything that never even happened. a whole motherfucking year later. i'm never doing this again.

fuck this. whatever. yeah, i'm fine.

Monday, December 12, 2011

If one drink, could make tonight
Slip my mind, then I
Should drink up, so i can forget
That I haven't lived my life.

You are an example of
Better things to come
So why wait on some other escape
That leads me nowhere fast

You've got nothing to lose,
Except for me and you

If one drink, could make tonight
Slip your mind, then you
Should drink up, so you can convince
Yourself that I'm cute

We are an example of
Why not to fall in love?
It takes a turn, and then it hurts
More than you could dream of

When you've got nothing to lose,
Except for me and you
I love that attitude.

Sometimes it's not that time
For words I cannot hear
For words I cannot feel
The way you want to go
It makes me feel like shit
A mess, but that's not it
I wonder if he'll care, for me ever again

I'm waiting for the last time
I'm waiting for the right time
To see if he will know the things he doesn't say to me

And I feel the way I feel
Because I need you all the time
And I know the things you know
But that's just not enough to make you mine
And I won't do anything that it might
Compromise this time
So I'll just sit and hold my breath
Only, it's not enough to make you mine

Someday we will fly
Higher than the satellites
Into a spacial paradise
Where up is up
And down is down
And no one is around
I don't wanna see you cry,
Let's leave the dramatics behind

This is the last time I can try and make you mine
I'll sit here and wait for it
Could be the last good things that's perfect in my life
I'll sit here and wait for it