Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I very rarely do this...but I'm at a desperate loss. And it's time to put my pride aside, and pull out the big guns...

Dear God,
You know that I try so hard to be a good person. I try and put myself dead last, so that others may achieve and be happy. I'm so lost, I feel like I'm in limbo. I need you to help me, and guide me to the right place. I feel as though I'm being pulled in thousands of different directions, and all I want to do is please everybody. I need you to send me someone in need of an apartment, so that that huge weight will be lifted off my shoulders, and I can move on the the next part of my life. I'm so scared of screwing up, again. I'm so scared of never finding settlement and placement. You know I work every day to make sure that I earn everything I have. I don't ever want to be just given something, without my fair share of effort in place. I'm getting so tired. I feel as though I'm working, and working, and digging myself into a financial hole that I won't be able to get out of. I'm so ashamed of the disappointment I've become, I'm now warning the people around me to expect my mistakes and screw-ups. Please lead me away from this behavior, please give me the strength to carry on with my head held high. I so badly want everyone around me to be happy, you know I only have the best of intentions. Please help me get out of this hole I've dug for myself, please send me a miracle. My relationship with you has been shaky, at best. Something that I've always been sure of is that you stand for goodness, and that is what I've built my life around. I need you to take my hand and lead me safely through this mess, I don't know what else to do. Thank you for the sun shining today, thank you for the car I drove to work, and the feet and hands I used today, thank you for kind strangers, thank you for the people my life has been blessed with, thank you for parents who care, thank you for the bed I'm sitting on. Please forgive me for not asking you for help sooner.