Thursday, April 28, 2011
two more days.
two more days and i'll never see your face walk through that door.
two more days and i'll never hear, "hey homes!" again.
two more days that i can't take for granted.
two more days that i have to share with everyone else.
two more days until everything changes.
i feel like i'm losing you, and i never even fucking had you in the first place.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
to me, he is absolutely flawless, perfect for me in every way. he's driving me crazy. all i want is for him to be happy, and if he is happy, i won't do anything to disturb that. i want him to never, ever feel bad about himself. i want him to know that i find him wonderful, compelling, interesting, and amazing. i want him to know that he is unlike anyone i have ever met. he is wonderfully unique. i want him to know that i can convince myself that i'd be completely fine without him, but as soon as his name lights up my phone or i see his face walk through the door, all convictions are lost. i want him to know that i'm not crazy. that he doesn't occupy all my thoughts, that i can make myself forget the investment i have in our friendship at any time. i want him to realize that's a lie. he doesn't look at me like i'm retarded, he laughs along with me. he makes me ridiculously happy. our inside jokes, the songs we sing to each other. his laid-back, incredibly meaningful words of encouragement when i'm having a bad day. if he's in a bad mood, i wait for him to talk with me about it, or wait for that inevitable joke we share that turns his mood around. his easy-going style perfectly compliments my usual high energy. he's a good guy, with a good heart. he dances because he feels like it. we sing off key because it's fun and it makes us laugh. he jokes around and isn't afraid to look stupid and act silly. he doesn't forget my stories, and always has new ones to tell me. he caught my attention the first moment i saw him. in a split second i realized i would follow him anywhere if he wanted me to. i honestly don't know what to do. all i can do is live in every second that we share, not take it for granted, and let what ever happens, happen. i don't want to ever mess up what we have right now. if that means keeping it at a friendship level, then so be it. i wonder if things would change if he knew how i feel. i wonder if i'll ever have the courage to find out. as for right now, i just have to let it be. i'll breathe in deep, and exhale, and pray for the nerve to drop a hint.